Friday, March 31, 2006
I rediscovered this song when looking for quotes and so on for the Corporate Grail. It's beautiful and sad and...well...it is what it is....enjoy
With love
J
x
Wings - by Brian Bedford
I could have been a giant said the bonsai tree
But someone bound my roots and held me down
I could have reached for heaven said the snowy owl
But they clipped my wings and kept me on the ground
I think I heard them tell me that they love me
And care for me, without them I would die
Oh but what's the use of roots if you can't spread them
And what's the use of wings if you can't fly
I could have been a singer said the mynah bird
But they caged me and they told me what to say
I could have run forever said the pony
But they bridled me and made me go their way
I think I heard them tell me that they love me
And care for me forever, so it seems
Oh but what's the use of voices without freedom
And what's the use of living other's dreams
Why do people cage the things they love the most
Is it simply that they fear to be alone
If you give your love its freedom it may stay a while
If it leaves you it was never yours to own
I could have found adventure said the angel fish
Now my world's so small there's nowhere left to go
I could have ruled a kingdom said the lion
Now the land inside my head is all I know
I think I heard them tell me that they love me
And care for me, and tell me it's alright
Oh but what's the use of life without adventure
And what's the use of strength if you can't fight
Why do people cage the things they love the most
Is it simply that they fear to be alone
If you give your love its freedom it may stay a while
If it leaves you it was never yours to own
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Stories
I spent a number of years working in organisations. During those times I was spending HALF OF MY WAKING LIFE doing things that meant nothing to me. In environments that passively discouraged thinking differently, emotional engagement or creativity. In those years I spent half of my life shutting down the best parts of me. Towards the end of that time I was off work ill for the best part of two months because I couldn't think straight. I couldn't face going back to work at that last place. I really could not bring myself to get out of bed to go there. Working like that was a complete mess: a disaster, a soul destroying process.
Looking back, I wonder what part of my heart would really have ever cared if an insect could overwinter under UK field conditions (curiosuly, that's what I spent my doctorate researching). What part of my soul was uplifted by advising people to use X or Y pesticide, or even more spiritually, filling in application forms for approval of chemicals on behalf of organisations who were so bored at the idea of doing it themselves that they would rather pay someone else to do it. It was, for a time, intellectually flattering, I got a degree, a PhD, published scientific papers, wrote articles for the trade press, and slowly shut down more and more of myself.
I do not want anyone to ever work like that.
I want people to engage in what they do for half of their lives (and the other half as well, of course!), with all of their heart, their soul and spirit.
I want people to get out of bed in the morning, even in the most awful times and know that every single emotion, particle and space of them is absolutely welcome, loved and cherished by the people that surround them at work, at home and anywhere else. ALL of them.
THAT is the kind of organisation I want to create, anything else seems like failing myself.
Funny, I was crying as I wrote this. These things never really leave us, do they?
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
In praise of stakes - however they are cooked
Elly and I work together in our own small coaching and development business. We have no other source of income. We can’t easily afford for me to be on the leadership programme and money is tight. I want to create something as effective as possible that I can engage with with all my heart and passion and with as many swans as possible. That is where the most possibility and creation lies – think of what we might build together. AND I want to create something soon, something that is cash generating. AND I want my heart in it. THAT combination would have leadership and all the learning in it be part of my life, and not just be a few happy weeks in Spain.
Without a stake we could have the best boat in the world and all be rowing furiously, and still spend our time going around in circles, or rapidly and exhaustingly going nowhere. To be effective, we need a compass…swans migrating in different directions all look lovely, and there may be some very attractive clusters that develop. The real WOW impact comes from watching a larger number of birds flying together because it’s time to fly South or North. We need a compass...that's what the stake is…our orientation as leaders. And there are swans with different speeds and different characters and different skills – held in the same tribe, flying in the same direction.
Creating a stake is NOT about ego-satisfaction (though who says that’s bad all the time, anyway?). It is simply about being as effective as we can be in service of something else (including ourselves). Compare an organisation with people in it that share a sense of purpose and stake, with one that has every other characteristic but lacks a stake, and I know which will be more effective, create the impact it desires and which will be most compelling and last longer. Value is created from the heart (sound familiar?).
Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall. - Steven Covey.
Finding the right wall is what creating a stake is. It enables us to find passion, to lean in and get the best from each other in service of something else. Where is the possibility to lean in if we have no idea what we’re leaning in to? How would we know who to lean in to? Without a stake we can’t lean in sustainably or with as much scope for calling forth; in short we would not be as effective as we could be.
That would not be the combination I want.
Without a stake we could have the best boat in the world and all be rowing furiously, and still spend our time going around in circles, or rapidly and exhaustingly going nowhere. To be effective, we need a compass…swans migrating in different directions all look lovely, and there may be some very attractive clusters that develop. The real WOW impact comes from watching a larger number of birds flying together because it’s time to fly South or North. We need a compass...that's what the stake is…our orientation as leaders. And there are swans with different speeds and different characters and different skills – held in the same tribe, flying in the same direction.
Creating a stake is NOT about ego-satisfaction (though who says that’s bad all the time, anyway?). It is simply about being as effective as we can be in service of something else (including ourselves). Compare an organisation with people in it that share a sense of purpose and stake, with one that has every other characteristic but lacks a stake, and I know which will be more effective, create the impact it desires and which will be most compelling and last longer. Value is created from the heart (sound familiar?).
Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall. - Steven Covey.
Finding the right wall is what creating a stake is. It enables us to find passion, to lean in and get the best from each other in service of something else. Where is the possibility to lean in if we have no idea what we’re leaning in to? How would we know who to lean in to? Without a stake we can’t lean in sustainably or with as much scope for calling forth; in short we would not be as effective as we could be.
That would not be the combination I want.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Just that
Meditation does not look a certain way.
Just that.
If we can connect with what is.
Just that.
And no more.
Then fear, desire, meaning and time fall away.
And we are left with?
The space between our particles.
The space between the particles of everything else.
And the spirit in between the space.
Beliefs are just opinions we get attached to.
I am not my particles, I am not my space.
You are not your particles or your space.
We live in a web of ideas.
Just that.
It is not about moving towards or away.
It is not about understanding.
It is about connecting with what is.Just that.
If we can connect with what is.
Just that.
And no more.
Then fear, desire, meaning and time fall away.
And we are left with?
The space between our particles.
The space between the particles of everything else.
And the spirit in between the space.
Beliefs are just opinions we get attached to.
I am not my particles, I am not my space.
You are not your particles or your space.
We live in a web of ideas.
Just that.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Haka
I am Mountain Diver and I speak from my heart.
Part of my purpose is to stir deeper water, shake up the sediment at the bottom of the lake. The call last night has called me to that again - so thank you, Swans, I actually felt excited and frustrated at the end of the call - YAY!
I love the notion of doing something large as a tribe. And right now I don't care what format it is. The only thing I can commit to is a co-created tribal stake. Without this, any format is meaningless and purposeless for me. Without a tribal stake we are a lovely group of individuals lacking any synergy, common purpose or direction.
The notion that "maybe we're not ready to talk about what our stake is" is crap.
Have we forgotten what the past six months of leadership have been all about? That's what we've been doing the whole time. How did we find the stakes for our workshops? By talking about what we are passionate about - and using all the 'create from self' and 'create from other' learning we've spent all our money on. Dammit, it works.
Remember Henry shouting at us in the last community meeting in Sitges? I don't care what your head says, I don't care if you want to 'talk about' it - I want to short-circuit out all the level 1 crap and get to the juicy, alive, compelling sense of passion that we all have spent two retreats getting in touch with.
I don't expect an easy or quick answer, I don't want people to speculate about what the tribal stake is yet, I expect people to state their personal answer with passion (lifeboat time), and to build on, blend and lead, break and give and damn well create from other and self until we have that ringing moment of beautiful clarity - OUR STAKE.
Another thing - voting - I remember another Henry and Karen rebuke for the tribe - "who fucking cares if you agree or not?" The agenda here is to create something together, not to vote on what has gone before. (I really like this one because it means I don't care if you agree with this mail, because you have to build with it - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA).
Here is my starting point:
I will fight for people to be at peace with all of themselves; the dreadful shadow, light shadow and persona. I believe that the only way to inner and outer peace is for people to be compassionate towards and to celebrate that we are all as awful AND as god-like as everyone else in the world. Only when we can accept all of ourselves will we stop projecting all our shit and fear onto others. That is the only way to stop abuse, bullying, cruelty and war.
I will fight for that, and I want to fight alongside my tribe.
That's my haka to you - what's your response?
What, Swans, will you fight for?
I am Mountain Diver, and these are the words of my heart
Ho
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Far from Mountain Diver
Why would one or two people want to come around the back of our house, break one window, climb onto the roof and throw stones at another (one that didn't break)?
Saturday evening we went out, came back and found the results on Sunday morning. So, Sunday and Monday were spent sorting things out. We have people coming to mend and assess the damage today and tomorrow and while it's not bad damage, it upsets me quite a lot. Of course, we don't want to start trying to analyse why, because we're sure we could drive ourselves crazy doing that. And...
So, because of someone else's stupidity we're down over £100 and one insurance no-claims bonus. I suddenly feel the need to make them very, very wrong - and a little poorer. Of course, we have no idea who it was and why.
I find it difficult, it's so petty and stupid a crime, yet I feel such anger and confusion. Still...breathe and forgive (whoever the hell it is I'm supposed to forgive)..ahem.
With love
J
x
Friday, March 17, 2006
Hrmmm
Well, I'm back.
Slightly less angry.
Lots more tired.
And generally dazed.
Where, oh where, is my tea?
I had a cup feel here a minute ago.
And now it's gone.
How profoundly disappointing
to lift the cup to your lips
and find that you've already drunk it all.
What a metaphor.
Bugger significance, I want another cup
Love
J
x
Slightly less angry.
Lots more tired.
And generally dazed.
Where, oh where, is my tea?
I had a cup feel here a minute ago.
And now it's gone.
How profoundly disappointing
to lift the cup to your lips
and find that you've already drunk it all.
What a metaphor.
Bugger significance, I want another cup
Love
J
x
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Storm warning
Good God, I'm pissed off today. And naturally I am right and the rest of the damned world is wrong. So I'm angry and I'm afraid you cop for it.
What's the point, in me keeping this blog together? Nobody else does. Apparently, all these people read it. Apparently it helps people feel connected with me - well it doesn't help me feel connected with any of you if there's nothing coming back. You want to connect? For C's sake talk to me...please...I need to know you are there.
For example; what will you fight for? How many times do I have to ask a question to get an answer out of a swan? What about leaning in, for C's sake?
And workshops - how come I'm suddenly feeling as though there's not enough time in the day to do what I need to do to earn a living, because I'm doing workshop stuff, doing everything for everyone else, AND blogging so mute people can feel connected (HAH!).
Well, I've had enough. I'm going away for a couple of days - to deliver a workshop that will actually earn some money and feed us for a while. In those two days, everything else can just ffff off.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Poetry
I was at a workshop at a local college on Saturday - about poetry - what fun.
So, I want to create a workshop using words as soul-food.
Could be poems, could be prose.
Poetry - expression of the experience of now, of emotion, of spirit.
If you want to co-create, let's do that get in touch.
Love
J
x
Friday, March 10, 2006
Some important things to remember
Breathe (in AND out).
Try not to put legs into the sleeves of your jumper.
Try not to put head into sleeves.
Try not to put sleeves on wrong arms.
Socks THEN shoes.
Cheese tastes nicer out of the wrapper.
Waking up before blogging would be a good idea.
I'm going for a massage later - yum.
And a poetry workshop tomorrow - yum, too.
Who said workshops had to be hard work?
Love (important one, that).
Me
x
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Happy Birthday to ME!
Rather neatly, it's my birthday today, and yesterday I completed the ninth day of a nine-day process for claiming my Name. The task was to write and sing a song based on the mantra of my name which you may have noticed a little while ago. Neat timing that I should finish that process and then have my birthday...here's the song. Because of the oddness of writing in blogger, each new verse begins with a line in bold text.
Mountain Diving (Sung to (something like) the tune of ‘Spacesuits’ by David Roth)
The purpose of this song’s to claim the name I’ve found more deeply
to grab its sense of purpose and to lock it deep inside
to make heart and head and every cell sigh with recognition
as they catch up with the rest of me, with Mountain Diver as the guide.
Well, it took a while to get here through my trials and tribulations
from countless opportunities to stay bottled-up inside,
to a second playful childhood using reverence and laughter
to slacken stays and let me play in both the dark and light.
And what’s the point of living life by shrinking in the shadows
lurking in the undergrowth and seldom creeping out?
When we could fly up to the mountaintop and sweep away the clouds there?
Or just dive down straight into the lake, living life without a doubt.
And with the sounds of life a-ticking and a-tocking in the background
we’ll feel the tears and dream the dreams that everywhere abound.
There’s no place to hide from life itself no matter how you try now,
so question all your thinking and get your feet back off the ground.
Now you'll have noticed in this song a kookie, quirky combination
of devotion to emotion and to staying light yet deep,
but our spirits delight to exult like this through all of life’s commotions
in dive or flight, by day or night, in waking or in sleep.
Now our artistry and brilliance can no longer be debated
we’re beautiful egomaniacs bringing spirit far and wide.
We could always shrink in modesty but frankly what’s the point, dear?
I'd rather gloat and boast and brag about the spirit deep inside.
Now you may think this egomania a trifle overstated
but when we have a point to make what’s the point in staying small?
So by the time we’ve raged and cried and crazily gesticulated
the greatest and the least of us will have STOPPED…and listened to their soul.
Yes, you may think this sentiment a trifle overstated
but when you have a life to lead what’s the point in playing small?
So by the time you’ve raged and cried and crazily gesticulated,
The purpose of this song’s to claim the name I’ve found more deeply
to grab its sense of purpose and to lock it deep inside
to make heart and head and every cell sigh with recognition
as they catch up with the rest of me, with Mountain Diver as the guide.
Well, it took a while to get here through my trials and tribulations
from countless opportunities to stay bottled-up inside,
to a second playful childhood using reverence and laughter
to slacken stays and let me play in both the dark and light.
And what’s the point of living life by shrinking in the shadows
lurking in the undergrowth and seldom creeping out?
When we could fly up to the mountaintop and sweep away the clouds there?
Or just dive down straight into the lake, living life without a doubt.
And with the sounds of life a-ticking and a-tocking in the background
we’ll feel the tears and dream the dreams that everywhere abound.
There’s no place to hide from life itself no matter how you try now,
so question all your thinking and get your feet back off the ground.
Now you'll have noticed in this song a kookie, quirky combination
of devotion to emotion and to staying light yet deep,
but our spirits delight to exult like this through all of life’s commotions
in dive or flight, by day or night, in waking or in sleep.
Now our artistry and brilliance can no longer be debated
we’re beautiful egomaniacs bringing spirit far and wide.
We could always shrink in modesty but frankly what’s the point, dear?
I'd rather gloat and boast and brag about the spirit deep inside.
Now you may think this egomania a trifle overstated
but when we have a point to make what’s the point in staying small?
So by the time we’ve raged and cried and crazily gesticulated
the greatest and the least of us will have STOPPED…and listened to their soul.
Yes, you may think this sentiment a trifle overstated
but when you have a life to lead what’s the point in playing small?
So by the time you’ve raged and cried and crazily gesticulated,
the greatest and the least of us will have STOPPED………and listened to your soul.
Celebrate today.
Love
Mountain Diver
x
Monday, March 06, 2006
Something that struck me
Last night I watched a few moments of a programme in which Desmond Tutu (and others) were hosting a reconciliation process between former IRA members and the families/friends of those who they had killed / injured.
At one point, an IRA member had been justifying why he had done what he had, and denied any feelings of guilt or remorse. Then, smiling compassionately, Desmond Tutu asked him if he felt he would be able to look God in the eye and say "this is OK". " Of course not", was part of the answer.
What an astounding question to hold to all our conduct and decisions in life.
Could we look God in the eye and say "this is OK"?
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Sometimes
I know I want to say something, to ask for some kind of help, or companionship, because I'm feeling damned low energy and rather down today. Like I got heavy, and grey for some reason. I'm certainly tired and I'm even more sick of all this damned thinking and planning than I have been before!
I realise this state is a big disconnection for me from most people. And funnily enough, it's steady, friendly company I crave. Shit, sometimes I hate where we live, it's stupid to thinkof it as isolated, but then I suppose that's the thing, I could be in a crowd of people, when feeling like this and still be isolated.
Well, time to go swimming - diving, you might say. Bring on the water!
With love
J
x
Friday, March 03, 2006
Now, swans, tell me, what will you fight for?
Read this out loud
For my love
I will fight for you to feel your life.
I will fight your lies about who you think you are.
I will fight for the simple truth of you.
I will fight for the hideous, spitting beast in you.
I will fight for the magnificent, glorious soul you are.
I will fight for you to be you.
And when you doubt yourself
I will fight for you to touch your spirit
and realise
it was always here,
you just kept turning away.
I will fight for how you break my heart.
And now you are here,
I will fight for the tears in your eyes.
I will fight for the splendid glory of your running makeup.
For your tousled hair and muddied dress.
For the music that makes us cry and cling and kiss in joy.
For the dance in your feet.
For the wildness of your hair as you spin.
For the joy in your face as you shriek your life.
For your smile that puts heaven in the shade.
I will fight for your life.
I will fight to love you.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
From my heart
I tell you this will not do.
My wings are aching to take flight.
It does not lie well that we lie easy.
In the days that follow, will your spirit sleep easily, knowing you stayed in the shallow waters?
Knowing you had the chance to spread your wings or glide into the cool water?
And yet we stand by the waters edge, admiring the beauty of it, gazing at it.
How foolish to stand in rapture, praising the beauty of sky and water and not to exult in flying through both.
I tell you now, this will not do.
The real swans fly on, finding new grounds.
The sky is clear and blue and DEMANDS that we fly.
I will not stay on the surface with those who wait and dally.
I crave the pressure of the dark unknown.
Empty shades are all that are available while gazing at the mist over the water.
There is no need to understand, to swim or fly well, or even to like the dive; your spirit knows what it wants.
My place is to be an exultant soul in dive or flight.
My Swans, gazing at the water is not enough.
Either this tribe works together, or it breaks apart and we fly alone.
Either we build our stake and stay with the process or we simply spend time dabbling in the water.
I am Mountain Diver.
Who are you?
What will you fight for?