The sky got clear and blue again

"One must live the way one thinks, or end up thinking the way one lives" - Paul Bourget

I am Mountain Diver

I am a joyful, playful child

I find reverence and laughter in every moment

I play in dark and light

I am a beautiful and brilliant artist

I am a herald of spirit

My cry stops the world

I bring tears, dreams and questions

I am kookie, spooky, quirky and deep

I am an exultant soul in dive or flight

I am devoted

I have no doubt

I am Mountain Diver

What is your statement of yourself?

Love

Mountain Diver

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Distance

I realised (again, dammit) that much of my interaction is through the mist created by thought, by level 1 and all that made up, carried about, assumed, historical, self-interested chatter. And yet, in some interactions, there is no more prospect of in-to-me-see than there is of the moon turning green and dropping out of the sky into my back garden. So, why bother? Some choices seem cold.

I feel quite cold actually, and a little distant. I wonder if this is the dying way? I prefer the live way, overall.

Well, sometimes I think it would be easier to stay in some kind of monastic, retreat-style life than it is to go back out and try to remember, use and practice all this stuff. Then I could use all that lovely learning. And of course I know that's not the point. And then I get tangled.

The mountain is a little cloudy today, and the water murky.

And my eyebrows are in one place - straight.

Need some words, please.

Love

J

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A story

Fortunately my heart told me the workshop went very well.
Unfortunately one of the feedback forms absolutely slammed the style.
Fortunately most of them were good and more constructive.
Unfortunately I keep going into a confused loop about whether I did it well could have done better.
Fortunately we set out to shake people up and stretch them.
Unfortunately we did.
Fortunately we did.
Unfortunately I keep getting lost.

Sometimes I put my heart into my work and it hurts when (even unrepresentatively) someone just doesn't get it.

Love

J

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Oy, my life

I am going away today to deliver two workshops tomorrow and the day after. They are on stress and motivation, and I am delivering them to Universities, I love this workshop, it has a stake in it - "you can choose the alive way or the dead way - which will it be?"

My alive way is in spirit at the moment, and my spirit is in flight. The workshop is my call to the others.

No more needs to be said.

With love and peace

Me

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How to...

...maintain connection with calm, centred, spirit and all that good stuff, while being busy, earning money and so on.

There's the fundamental question.

Let every word be an expression of life.

Let each particle of ink contain your soul.

Pour your spirit into every letter.

Let every word, thought or sound reflect the fullness of the moments of life that it took to make.

Ensure that everything offered is a wish of life and love and soul to the reader.

Every precious second of life is laden with life and spirit.

Whether we notice it or not.

MD

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So much stuff

I'm in a benign and vaguely centred whirlwind of things I want to do. Write stories, poetry, workshops, coaching, chat, be with Elly, walk, oh deary me. What a lot of stuff.

And I miss you all, and the space we had at Almiral. Something very special about being seen (largely) as a human, and having permission to make messes and also to show my heart and mind and spirit, without fear of being perceived as weird or whatever. Or, at least, not caring so much if that does occur!

How many of the demons I fight are of my own creation. Weird, innit.

Life, what a tangled wonderful web

Love

J

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Mountain Diver

My journalling is getting increasingly, err - trippy one might say, or spiritual. I name myself at the start of each journal entry and then what comes out is a curious combination of longing, my sense of spirit, what I want to share with the world and myself.

I've had a sort of block about getting in touch with that more fey world, because it seemed so aimless or uninterpretable - perhaps my need to understand it? Perhaps to know it consciously. And now what I am finding is that it brings a sense of peace, a deeper sense of knowing, not thinking, that grounds something in me, rather than in what I think should be me.

What's in a name? More than I could have thought. My name has opened and permitted a newer, enriched sense of me. It's like that part of me can be heard and spoken of now.

If you want to hear the call of a Diver (loon) go to ...http://www.learner.org/jnorth/tm/loon/Dictionary.html

And I recommend the WAIL. Imagine being by a lake in the evening, under a great mountain and see if your spirit remains asleep.

Ho

New morning

Something is brewing up.

People are moving and up to things.

Strange time.
What is my fascination with ritual these days?
Mountain Diver.
Hare.
Swan.
Hawk.
Chough.
Raven.
Gull / albatross.

Well, who said these posts had to make sense?

Love

J

x

What's in a name?

Mountain Diver

I want to be greeted by you - leave a comment please. There is a ritual waiting to happen for me too, more on that later.

In my dream, I waved goodbye to the gull and albatross which have been with me for a long time. In meditation, journalling and my dreams the words 'devoted', 'devil', 'duiker', 'dark' and 'dreamer' have all been circulating. When I found the word 'diver' my whole body shivered.

Divers are birds, (family Gaviidae) in N. America they are called loons, in Scandinavia they are called, ~lom (Islom, Smaalom, Gulnnebblom and Storlom). In Dutch: Duiker; German Taucher (Sterntaucher, Eistaucher), in French Plongeur.

They are the birds I always want to see when in the North, they are the first page of the bird books, they are captivating. They are sleek, strong and their colours are perfectly clear and defined. They are devoted partners. I have spent many hours watching them. I find a rare peace and tranquility when swimming underwater. They have some very odd behaviours, dancing on their back legs across the water, rolling onto their side while swimming to preen their feathers and crying out with such eerie noises as to break your heart. The loon's cry is said to be the cry of dead warriors calling to the world, or a dead warrior seeking his beloved.

I then looked into native American traditions; and the diver includes many concepts, the principal ones of which are:

dreaming and awakening spirit

creative inspiration

serenity, peace and tranquility

deep devotion and loyalty

communication and oration

seeming judgmental and unsympathetic

I also include:

unexpectedness

water and flow

The Mountain brings

strength and power

clarity and wisdom

roots and belonging

agelessness

We shall see where my names take me.

Ho.

Return from Sitges...

Apparently I am lucky to be alive this morning, my snoring was of such a high standard last night that I kept Elly, and the herd of cows in the farm opposite, awake most of the night. Oops.

Well, anyway, yesterday I spent a lovely day with Ana, and we also met with our friend Conchita, spent some time wandering about Sitges, talking, looking around and relaxing.

Ana found a perfect children's book, about a boy who visits his own private sea at night when he gets into bed. And thinking of homecoming and leaving the tribe, this seemed to be the perfect message from it:

"Una noche empecé a perderme en él para siempre. Tuve que pedir ayuda. Hay que tener la cabeza fría cuando estás en situaciones difíciles. A mí no me costó. Llamé a mi padre.

No sé cómo lo hizo para encontrarme pero me gustó descubrir que hasta en los rincones más recónditos hay alguien que te echa una mano. Aunque sean secretos."

Which (apologies to all Spanish speakers) apparently translates to something like:

"One night I began to lose myself in it forever (my private sea). I had to ask for help. It pays to keep a cool head in difficult situations. For me there was nothing to lose. I called out to my father.

I don't know how he came to me, but it was nice to discover that even in the most hidden places, there is always somebody there for you. Even if they are secret."

Be well, be with others, be with me.

Love

J

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Can you guess what kind of week it's been?

A routine Monday.
A wonderful evening on Tuesday.
A dreadful morning on Wednesday.
A slow and sluggish day Thursday.
A f******g awful day so far today.

I'm an odd combination of despair, anger and weariness.
And I know also that I'll get on and get through.
And right now as I write about this for the first time, it doesn't feel so bad and I can get back in touch with me a wee bit more.

Ah well, chin up, big man.
Thanks for the space.
J
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