Know me some more

When I was about 8 and it was a warm summer day, I would get off the bus from school and walk home. Some days, there would be just me walking back. On those days, I would deliberately walk slowly, so I could hear each step that I took, making a light crunching noise on the gravel on the pavement. I can feel the warmth on my back and all around me, even as I think of those walks home. I would walk so slowly and hold each precious second close to my heart. I have such a clear picture of it now, with Roy's house on my right, the hedgerow on the left and the field with wheat in behind it. I'd be able to feel the pavement under my feet, and hear the occasional bird singing. The sound of the gravel would provide just enough of a focus to hold me in that moment, and yet not so much that it became hard work. I would savour each of those seconds. In those moments I had my earliest and fondest experiences of peace, belonging and the richness of each moment.

Throughout my life, I've loved places of such stillness, with just enough of a focus to draw my attention both inside and out. I've always liked churches, cathedrals, art galleries (when they're quieter) and quiet spots in the countryside. For just that reason: I could find tranquility, like my attention and energy are perfeclty balanced between the outer and inner worlds. At those times, there is no doing required, just staying in the being of life.

I claimed this value of mine today, it's called 'reverence'. Here are some words...

"I wonder how I could bring reverence to my life? The truth is that every moment holds 'just enough focus' to find the emotion and experience, however each moment might look on the outside. Theere is so much joy and experience in this world that we could never tire of it - what a joyous playground and place of discovery.

The dead way to live is to pass with our eyes closed and heart shut, trying to be 'strong', pretending we don't feel either pain or joy. This way kills more surely than the pain and joy of life ever could, even in the rawness of our hearts. To feel our pain and fear merely reminds us how much we have loved and how capable of loving we truly are. Pain is merely love, removed or passed.

The live way is to feel and experience our lives, to seek what we need to sit in our pain and fear, to sit in our joy and love and to let these expereinces show in our faces, our eyes, our words and hearts. This gives us deeper access to ourselves and to each other. This is the new way and the oldest way - it is the pulse of life and the rhythm of all things, it is the path of forgiveness and reconciliation. This is the living way, the way of love and acceptance of ourselves and of our enemies who become our deepest friends. Such love is life. Be with."

J
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