A new recipe for happiness

Ingredients:

1 level kilo of green water
258 metric pounds of Clotted Cement
A pinch of Gail Porter's bottom
Three slices of pickled vinegar
A dash of 60 metres
A gurgle of stomach
A whizz of flour
96 rude words
and
a grape

METHOD:
Combine the water and cement, being careful to avoid using the vinegar at all. Place the flour in your stomach, then dash 60 metres for as long as it takes. Embarass the grape then throw it all away. Simply pinch the bottom, sit back, relax and enjoy.

Happy baking.

With love.